My First Kiss

Have you figured out who I am? I certainly hope not.

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In the kindness of my heart, I have decided to share my story with all of you. The Story of my first real real kiss. (I feel a wave of DeJaVu coming on). If you are reading this, consider thyself blessed amongst all phone users.

My first real kiss was terrible. Fada lawd! Secondary school, in the corner of all corners, hidden from public view but still in view. I can't remember what class I was, it was weird. It didn't feel like what it looked like on TV. By the way, don't believe what you see on TV. The deceit is unnatural.

His teeth were clenched, my tongue was now behaving like spoon, trying to pry it open. Sloppy and slippery, felt like dipping my face in Okro soup, really drawy Okro soup. Yes, it was that bad. His hands travelled more than I've ever travelled in this life, while I was still trying to figure out where is mouth was, he was already unhooking my skirt.

'Shor! Sir! My waist is too small for children now o biko.' I said internally.

Omo, see fight with person hand. Be like World War Three, the Revolution.

I'm telling you to stop, you are telling me to calm down. You no for like tear my skirt at once? Since we all want to be Christian Grey.

So, me now trying to shift my mouth, it was now as if I wanted to steal his kidney. He sha gave up on my mouth, finally realizing that the pikin he was holding was tired. Tired of kissing only, my guy started traveling again. From the neck to the chest, from the chest to 'e don do abeg.' before they will now change my school.

In summary, my G was a terrible kisser gan, terrible person join. E remain small, I for just shout rape.(Rape is sha nor joke. IT IS NOT A JOKE BIKONU.)

BONUS STORY
My first kiss, not real real something o..  It was this fine oyinbo pikin in primary school. I was trying to whisper gossip into his hear when mistake mistake, he turn face and my lips landed on his face. Oh! I almost mad. Everybody say I kissed him on the lips, they did not ask him o.. The voice of the people, na wetin matter pass. Wetin concern am concern this kiss wey I kiss am?

They used the broken leg of a chair to beat me. Thank God they didn't tell my mum sha, who knows.. They would have used me to do pepper soup.